Shocked Beyond Repair

What I am about to share with you has shocked me speechless. Yesterday, I was making my way through the kitchen to check out my feeding bowl when a slip of paper fell onto the floor. I could not believe what it said! I will transcribe it faithfully so you will understand how utterly undone I am:

                                         OCONEE COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT, SC


 NATURE OF INCIDENT: Sexual Assault                       DATE/TIME: Saturday, Mar. 24, 2007, 6:15 a.m.

VICTIM: Walter the Cat                                              PERP:  Little Calhoun Cat
AGE: 7 years                                                               AGE:  1 1/2 yrs.
WT:  25-30 lbs                                                            WT:  5-7 lbs
HT: 11 "                                                                       HT: 11"
EYES:  Green                                                              EYES:  Yellow
HAIR:  Orange Sherbet                                                HAIR:  Black and White

CASE NOTES/DESCRIPTION OF INCIDENT:                                    
At 6:15 am on 3/24/2007, a witness (one Carolyn Porter, age 23, now living in Richmond, VA, but a native of SC visiting family at 1652 Porter Dr., Seneca, SC) observed loud hissing originating from her parents' kitchen (Daniel and Elizabeth Porter, address above). Witness entered the kitchen, and upon doing so observed Little Calhoun (aka the "Funny Face Rapist") attacking Walter. Strangely, Walter is nearly three times his attacker's size. This aspect of the case is still unexplained. At 6:16 am, the witness attempted to stop the attack and succeeded in scaring away the suspect. Walter was administered immediate medical attention. The suspect is still at large. It is likely that he will continue to commit these crimes until he is incarcerated. A warrant for arrest and castration have been issued.

Well, my faithful readers I had no idea of the secrets Porter Manor holds. And it is with some trepidation that I tell you that Little Calhoun is now one of the outdoor cats. He says little, eats his food and then recedes to the kudzu. I shall keep a sharp and watchful eye on his whereabouts and take poor Walter under my protective "wing."

My Hunting Expedition

Well… The manor was quite lively over the holiday weekend . Lexington guests arrived early in the weekend, and, I must say,  they are two of my favorites (beyond my dearest Claire) who come to visit. They are very enthusiastic about felines, and they seem to have an intrinsic appreciation of me, in particular. I was so taken with the one called “Joy” when she invited me to the couch and brushed me with my favorite wire brush that I attempted to follow her down the basement stairs. Perhaps for a moment I thought Mistress Carly had returned. I soon got hold of myself. But,  I digress… on to this “hunting party….” Two of my many feline companions at the manor , the dark over-sized Siamese and the ginger-and-white male invited me to take a turn around the estate on the Fourth. It was then that I was coaxed into the hunt. Lady Ginty was observing from the parlor window, and I overheard her repeat the drama of what ensued.  I was striking the classic feline hunting pose at the end of the driveway… limbs in forward motion, eyes focused forward, ears at attention, and I moved slowly forward. Lady Ginty came  scampering down the drive to see what in the world I must be up to . It was then she saw the object of my tracking: the manor GROUNDHOG!!! My two feline conspirators had dared me to re-enact the “charge” of Independence Day. I acquiesced , some out of boredom, and some out of a desire to remember my hunting days. They were glorious and have been long forgotten. The groundhog of course scampered quickly into the kudzu.

My fellow felines and I  shared a nice reflective bonding time afterwards,  and, for that moment,  enjoyed a musketeer interlude.